It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? How something that comes from love—concern, protection, wanting the best for someone—can feel stifling, even painful. I know when you worry about me, it’s because you care. When you express your fears about my choices, my future, my well-being, it’s because you want me to be safe, happy, secure. Despite your best intentions, sometimes, it feels like a weight I didn’t ask to carry.
I can feel it when your voice tightens, when your questions shift from curiosity to concern. When your “Are you okay?” doesn’t feel like checking in—it feels like checking up. Like you’re already assuming I’m not okay. And if I wasn’t? If I was struggling? Now, I don’t just have my own emotions to deal with—I have yours, too.
And that’s the part that’s hard to say out loud: Your fear about me can hurt me.
It can make me feel like I’m fragile when I don’t want to be. Like I need to justify my choices, my emotions, my process—when really, I just need to be. It can make me second-guess myself, wondering if maybe I should be more worried, too. It can make me constantly hypervigilant about my choices and actions. Or worse, it can push me away, because sometimes it’s easier to hide than to feel like I’m disappointing you by not being okay in the way you want me to be.
I know this isn’t about blame. It’s not about telling you to stop caring. But I do need you to understand that there’s a difference between supporting me and holding me too tightly. Between loving me and fearing for me.
Love trusts. Love asks, “How can I be here for you?” instead of, “What if something goes wrong?” Love sits with me in uncertainty rather than trying to control or fix it. I think it should feel like a safe base to stand when things feel shaky, not the ground and wall falling with you too.
I know you do love me, but- let me breathe. Let me struggle without feeling like your world will crumble if I do. Let me figure things out without absorbing your fear, worry and anxiety on top of my own. And if you truly want to help, meet me with confidence, not anxiety; Faith, not fear; Hope, not worry.
Is it possible to just allow me to be and sit in that? Because I am more than my struggles. And I need you to see that, too.
