Transactional Analysis (TA), a psychological theory developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s, explores the dynamics of human social interactions and communication.
One of the core concepts in TA is the idea of “games” people play.
These are not games in the traditional sense, but rather unconscious, repetitive behaviors and patterns that individuals engage in with others. These games serve various psychological needs, such as reinforcing one’s life script, avoiding intimacy, or maintaining a sense of control.
Here are some of the types of games according to TA:
1. Why Don’t You/Yes, But
In this game, one person (the “player”) presents a problem, seeking solutions. However, for every solution offered by others, the player finds an excuse or reason to dismiss it, saying “Yes, but…” This game allows the player to maintain their problem without taking responsibility for resolving it, often seeking sympathy rather than genuine solutions.
2. If It Weren’t For You (IWFY)
Here, the player blames others for their inability to do things they secretly don’t want to do. It serves as a way to justify inaction or failure to meet one’s own expectations or desires, effectively placing the responsibility on someone else.
3. Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch (NIGYYSOB)
In this confrontational game, a person seeks to catch someone else in a mistake or wrongdoing, often to feel superior or to justify their own negative feelings towards them. The game can fulfill a need for control or power over the other person.
4. See What You Made Me Do (SWYMD)
This game involves shifting blame to others for one’s own mistakes or failures. The player avoids taking personal responsibility by claiming their actions were a direct result of someone else’s behavior.
5. Uproar
A game that creates a dramatic scene or emotional outburst to distract from a real issue or to avoid intimate conversation. The uproar can serve to maintain distance between people or to manipulate the emotional climate of a situation.
6. Kick Me
This game is played by individuals who behave in ways that invite criticism or rejection. The player may unconsciously desire to be punished or to feel victimized, often stemming from deep-seated feelings of unworthiness.
7. Poor Me
A variation of victim-playing where the person acts as if they are always the injured party, seeking sympathy and attention from others. This can prevent genuine connection and intimacy, as the player remains focused on their own suffering.
8. Let’s You and Him Fight
A game where the player instigates conflict between two other parties, often to divert attention from themselves or to enjoy the spectacle of conflict. The player remains on the sidelines, potentially as the “innocent” party or as the mediator.
9. Schlemiel
In this game, the player repeatedly causes minor mishaps or accidents, drawing negative attention to themselves but also eliciting care or attention in the form of clean-up or forgiveness from others.
10. Wooden Leg
A game where a person uses a real or imagined incapacity or limitation as an excuse to avoid responsibility or to justify failure. The “wooden leg” becomes a crutch for not engaging fully in life or for not meeting expectations.
These games, according to TA, are often played unconsciously and can lead to patterns of behavior that interfere with genuine, healthy relationships.
Recognizing and understanding these games is the first step toward changing one’s behavior and engaging in more authentic and constructive interactions.
